What Have You Done?
by FunSubs
Summary: Jesse comes back to help the New Directions, claiming he's changed, and he had been towards the other members. But after their breakup, his intentions for Rachel are all but pure and everyone is oblivious to what he's done and is planning to do.
1. He's Back

**Hey guys! This is another fic that has been brewing in my mind for a while and I figured I should give you guys a look! Really hope you enjoy. Please Review, if you could. I LOVE REVIEWS! Fair warning, though: This is going to be MUCH shorter than my other Glee fic, probably 2-3 chapters most likely. Much love, Nicole xoxo**

**I DON'T OWN GLEE OR THE CHARACTERS! :D**

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><p>"Okay, guys. I have a special guest joining us for a while. I realize I am not a very good critic, and he's going to help you all with critiques so you can become better performers." Mr. Schue announced informatively.<p>

"Wait, he? So you didn't bring Barbara? I don't see how this will help." Rachel huffed and rolled her eyes.

"No, Rachel. No Barbara. But I did get...drumroll Finn...Jesse St. James!" Mr. Schue started clapping with Rachel, but they were the only ones.

"Are you kidding me? He said I shouldn't be singing girl songs! Didn't you hear me when I said 'Jesse St James totally Jesse St Sucks'?" Kurt fumed.

"Calm down, calm down. Jesse's changed. He's matured. And he's very excited to work and help you guys." Mr. Schue once again started clapping and the club joined in, but it was lifeless and dull.

"Look guys. I'm sorry about how I acted the last time I was here. I can assure I am here to help." Jesse said innocently.

"Better be." Puck muttered under his breath.

"Anyway, I'd like you all to pick a piece you believe you excell most at to perform for Mr. St James. Any questions?" He clapped his hands together.

"Mr. Schue, with all due respect, will you be there while he's critiquing us?" Tina asked grimly. Mr. Schue stared down for a minute.

"No. But I can assure you he's changed. You have to trust me as well as him. And if there was anything wrong, you could always come and talk to me." he smiled and the club sighed, but agreed.

"Glad to hear we're on the same page." he turned and started to talk about something, but no one seemed to pay attention, too busy thinking about what song they could sing that wouldn't result in a loss of all of their self esteem.

"Any of you guys know what song you're singing?" Mercedes asked on call with Santana, Brittany, and Kurt, walking through the hallways.

"Nope. This whole thing with Jesse is stupid. God, the only one not pissed is Rachel. Does that little troll ever learn?" Santana scoffed.

"Of course not. That would mean she didn't get her way. Damn, how did this happen? Has all of Glee Club gone to some kind of Hell?" Kurt ranted.

"Isn't that where you said Rachel was from, Santana?" Brittany asked cluelessly.

"Hey guys. So are we all hating this whole Jesse crap?" Tina joined in.

"Absolutely." Mercedes said. "He's gotta go."

"Anyone have a plan?" Kurt asked deviously.

"Get rid of the Dwarf." Santana smiled evily.

"Wait. What if they aren't together anymore. This will do nothing except kill our chances at winning anything. Well, and lessen our consumption of Aspirin." Tina speculated after analyzing Santana's theory.

"Dammit. She's right. We can't get rid of St James." Kurt growled

"Why would Rachel clap if they broke up?" Mercedes asked.

"What if she thought he was coming back for her, when really he wanted to get back at her." Brittany said.

"Okay, what the hell made her smart?" Kurt asked, angry he didn't think of it himself.

"Britt's right. That's gotta be it." Tina smiled.

Santana grinned, ending the call.

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><p>The next day in rehearsal, Rachel offered to go first, but Jesse insisted she give someone else a chance and prefferably went last.<p>

"I'll go Mr. Schue." Santana stood up and walked with Jesse to the auditorium.

She sang "Valerie", very enthusiastically, but purposely made a mistake to see what he'd say.

"Beautiful, Santana. That was awesome. You are a beautiful girl and sang that song wonderfully. Congrats." he clapped as she smiled, heading back to the choir room.

"What'd he say? Was he mean? Why are you smiling? Did you have sex with him?" the questions were shot at her as she took her seat.

As she sat there, still smiling, she was still getting badgered with their questions before she put a hand up and they silenced.

"You are a beautiful girl and sang that song wonderfully." she mocked him. Everyone's mouth was agape.

"Wait, so you didn't sleep with him?" Finn asked clearly confused.

"No, numb nuts! But I guess I'm not the best judge to see if he's changed. I mean, I am all kinds of awesome." she smirked. Mr. Schue shook off all of the conversations.

"Well, congratulations, Santana. Who wants to go next?" Kurt practically hopped out of his seat, luckily not tumbling down the risers.

"I'll go Mr. Schue. I'll prove if he changed or not. I mean, I've picked the perfect girl song." Kurt smiled, heading to the auditorium confidently.

He headed to the stage, really putting on a show. He sang "Some People" from Gypsy. After ending with his backbend, Jesse stood and clapped. Kurt sat up, amazed.

"That was really good, Kurt. You truly have a lot of talent. I'm sorry I ever made fun of you before. That-well, that was Broadway material. Nice work." Kurt, still astonished, walked offstage, nodding occassionally although Jesse had stopped talking.

Just as they did when Santana came back, everyone bombarded Kurt.

"He-he said I was Broadway material." Kurt said, practically sounding dead. He was truly surprised.

"Well done, Kurt." Mr. Schue patted him on the back and he fumbled to find his seat, any seat.

The performances continued on, each of them getting extremely positive feedback from Jesse. Mr. Schue just smiled at each one of them, pure pride in his eyes. None of them could find it in their hearts to cut him down, well those who were smarter than sand. Finn and Brittany smiled at everyone too, really believing Jesse had taken on a new lead. And then there was Rachel. She sat there smiling, eyes getting brighter with each new performance. Some may say that it was because her chance was getting closer, and that was true, but not because of singing. She wanted to impress Jesse and to win his heart. It was obvious. Santana practically squealed when Jesse called Rachel to come with him.

"Okay, I know the break up was hard, but I'm willing to move past it-"

"Rachel. There are no hard feelings. I'm going to treat you as I did everyone else." Jesse smiled, but Rachel knew there was something more. He wasn't being honest with her, but she shook it off as he touched her shoulder and she remembered how much she used to love him. She hurried to the stage to begin.

Rachel sang with a passion. She sang with so much heart that tears filled her eyes at the honesty of every word. But Jesse, he stared at her judgementally. Something was off and Rachel knew it. She still sang her heart out, but didn't let down the walls completely. To be honest, she was afraid. She hung out her last note, higher and more powerful than she'd ever hit, and he didn't budge. He winced, maybe, surprised, but nothing further.

"So...?" she asked after a moment of him staring her down.

"To be honest Rachel, I felt nothing. I believe you were sharp, more than once, and flat in some areas. It just wasn't very good at all. And that's just the singing..."

Rachel's heart dropped, further than it ever had, almost to the point of no return. Her chest grew heavy as she heaved, recovering from the last note.

"W-what?" she asked after he looked bored and uninterested.

"You heard me, Rachel. Frankly, I think you've lost your touch. Or maybe, it was just your body distracting from those herendous notes before. I mean what have you been living off of? Chocolate cake?" Jesse's words hit her where they hadn't before. She walked towards him, never dismissing the eye contact.

"A-Are you calling me, fat?" she asked as she finally approached him.

"Have you misplaced the mirror? I mean honestly, take a good look at yourself. Your pathetic."

Her eyes welled with tears as he took on this new, frightening role. His anger was beginning to show.

"I-I guess I can lose some weight then and practice with Mr. Schue some more..." she started quietly.

"Dammit, Rachel, you're not getting it! You're not made to be a star!" Jesse was yelling angirly.

"What the hell do you want me to do then?" she yelled back, but definitely not as bitterly.

"There's nothing you can do except keep that mouth shut. When we walk back in there, I want you to put on a smile and tell everyone it went great. Okay?" he asked, his face close to hers.

"Okay?" he raised his voice, clutching her arm. She stared up at him in shock as he caused her physical pain, but nodded.

"Good." he threw he arm down and she followed his lead, trying to fathom what just happened.

"Hey! There she is!" smiled Mr. Schue, pulling Rachel into his side. She was an actress, regardless of what Jesse said, and she put on the biggest, brightest smile that could have ever been faked. The club smiled and clapped, but two members obviously weren't believing it was all good: Santana and Kurt. Sure, Mercedes and Tina knew he probably took her down a peg, but they didn't think much of it. Santana and Kurt however, could see the pain in her eyes and they_ cared_.

Jesse had done something to Rachel and they knew it. It was more than just criticizing her. He had _broken_ her.

And they were going to have to pick up the pieces.


	2. Not Okay

**Thanks for the feedback, you guys! Really loving it! Sorry this chapter is so short, but hopefully the next one will be better! If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them! Thanks for reading! Much love, Nicole xoxo**

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><p>"S-Santana? Is that you? And K-Kurt? You're not here to hurt me, are you?" Rachel went home that night and cried to herself. It didn't help that her dads were on vacation, but it did make her a little better to know they wouldn't be questioning her. She was now opening her door to the two Glee club members who despised her most.<p>

"No. Jesse did enough of that." Kurt added to Santana's shake of the head.

"W-What?" Before she could ask anymore, they were inviting themselves in, heading to her room. She followed, trying to speak, but each and every time Kurt stopped her. Once they reached her room Santana and Kurt sat down to face Rachel as she sat on the edge of her bed. She stared at them for a few moments before speaking.

"H-How did you guys know he hurt me?" her voice was sad. It just wasn't Rachel.

"Well, before it happened, we kind of figured Jesse was going to try and screw you up. Mess with your head. He was being way too nice and that's just not him."

"Yeah, that guy's a total jerk! I mean he's the king of all douchebags." Santana said, adding her not-so-missed humor into the gloomy situation. Kurt couldn't help staring at Rachel's arm. She quickly covered it with her hand, rubbing it slowly.

"He's more of an ass than I thought. Damn." Kurt never took his eyes off her arm, speaking in a low, zoned-out tone. Santana looked at him for a moment, then followed his gaze.

"Rachel. You can show me." Santana stayed into her eyes, with trust. Rachel understood and removed her hand. There were Jesse's fingernails indented into Rachel's skin.

"Damn." Santana repeated for lack of better words. "What did he say to you?" she didn't want to pry, but she needed to know. Kurt sat up, also curious and eager to help her out.

"He, he um...well he pretty much told me I sucked and that I hit sharp and flat a few times. I, I even hit my highest, most powerful note to date and he criticized it. And he called me fat." Rachel was looking down again.

"Honey, you can not listen to a damn word out of that boy's mouth. I'm sure you sang it perfectly. And congratulations on that note." Rachel looked up and smiled at her. Santana moved and sat next to Rachel on the bed, her one hand on her knee, the other rubbing her back.

"Thanks, Santana." Rachel smiled briefly.

"And you are certainly not fat. You're beautiful, Rachel. I mean, I know I hate on your outfits, but who can blame me?" Kurt joked, getting a little laugh to emit from her tiny frame. "Seriously, though, if I wasn't gay, I'd totally tap that." Rachel laughed a little more along with Santana. It sounded like something she would say and they certainly didn't expect it to come out of Kurt's mouth.

"Why are you guys doing this?" It wasn't comical anymore. Everything grew silent until Santana finally pulled Rachel into a hug.

"We love you, Sweetie. I know we don't show it, but we actually care a hell of a lot more than the other kids in there. We're here for you." Santana's words touched her heart like no other.

"She means it, Rachel. We both really care about you or otherwise we wouldn't be here. We're sorry we didn't warn you. I mean, we were just aggrivated with you at the time and-"

"I know. I know sometimes...I can be so...selfish. I mean I'm never thinking of anyone but myself and then when stuff like this happens, I can't help but being surprised. I'm sorry. I really, really am." Tears gushed out from her eyes and Santana took her in her arms again, Kurt kneeling beside them.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch." Rachel cried.

"Oh, no, Sweetie. You're not a bitch! A brat, yeah, but a bitch, no!" Santana's words were oddly comforting. After holding her for quite sometime, Rachel finally pulled back, wiping at the smeared make up on her eyes.

"I really appreciate this you guys. I'm gonna take a shower, now, so..." Rachel stood and stared as Kurt and Santana did too. "Thank you." Rachel ran into Santana's arms once more and tightly embraced her. "And thank you, Kurt." she also hugged him, giving him a peck on the cheek. They both smiled as they headed downstairs and headed out.

Rachel walked into the bathroom and stared in the mirror. She felt her curves and pouted. She suddenly wasn't sure anymore.

"Am I really gaining weight to the point that it's noticeable from a good distance?" she asked herself, still inspecting her body. Shr ran her hands over the skin, digusted. She truly believed she was getting fat.

**r u gonna b ok? **It was a text from Santana. Rachel already knew the answer, staring into the mirror again. "No, I'm not okay." she said on the brink of tears to herself. But she couldn't tell Santana that.

**Yeah. Fine.**

She lied.


	3. Complications

The next day at school was hard on Rachel. She tried to smile, to pretend she wasn't phased. Her teachers smiled back, even Mr. Schue. She bounced into Glee and Santana beamed. Rachel cheered silently to herself - she had fooled Santana. Her happiness faded as she met Kurt's gaze as he seemed unconvinced and furrowed in worry. She took a seat next to Santana, who unexpectedley slung an arm over her shoulder. Rachel was a bit shocked, but was just happy to have someone there.  
>"Glad you're okay." she whispered smiling.<p>

Rachel's stomach twisted and she gripped it subtly.

_I'm not okay._

She wanted to say it. To shout it. She wanted everyone to know how Jesse made her feel. What he did to her.

"I'm so proud of you - all of you. These past days have been absolutely incredible for me. To hear what Jesse had to say about each and every one of you took my breath away. Congratulations to you all. Thank you." Mr. Schue quickly swiped at his eye then clapped his hands together,  
>still smiling. He was genuinely happy.<p>

"We wouldn't be what we are with you, Mr. Schue. We owe everything we know to you." Tina smiled. She was right. He was always there, and was always going to be there. He knew what he was talking about and we kind of took him for granted.

"I appreciate that, guys. On a lighter note, how about we take a little break? You guys can talk, sing, play...it doesn't matter to me. You really deserve it." Everyone stayed silent for a moment before realizing he was in fact being serious. Rachel could hear Kurt walking down the risers toward her and Santana and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and exhaling.

"Rachel? A moment?" She stood up and stepped to the far corner of the room, following Kurt. "You're not okay." he said bluntly.

"Kurt, I'm fine. Trust me. You have nothing to worry about." she tried to assure, yet he still wasn't on board with her whole charade. He placed his hands around her shoulders.

"Listen to me, Rach. You're not alone. I'm here for you and so is Santana. Don't feel like you need to hide anything." Kurt's voice was so serious and sad, but she was comforted. No one ever cared that much about her, or at least none that she knew of. A friend.

"Thank you, Kurt, but I'm fine. I appreciated all you're doing, though. It's nice." she smiled again, trying to make it reach her eyes, but she couldn't quite do it, but he seemed convinced for the moment. He took her in a tight hug, rubbed her shoulder after releasing her from his grip and walked away after pecking her cheek. She touched where he kissed and held back her sobs.

Rachel felt sick. She was looking in the mirror again at home while her dads were on vacation.

"Unpretty." she whispered, her eyes dripping. She contemplated a thought that had popped into her head before heading to the kitchen. Maybe it wasn't her thing, but maybe it would help make her feel better. She reached into a drawer and heading back to the bathroom. She rolled up her sleeve and stared at the skin covering her tiny wrist. Finally deciding, she slowly moved the object closer to her skin until reaching it, then slowly moving it towards her.

She winced in pain, shutting her eyes, then opening them to see the red liquid draining into the sink. She continued the cut before cleaning up and heading out. She returned with something else to help ease her mind: Pills. Diet pills to be exact.

Over the days, it was obvious everything wasn't okay with Rachel, but only Kurt seemed to notice. He pulled her aside before Mr. Schue began Glee and interrogated her.

"Rachel, what's happening to you? You don't eat at lunch and you always seem so tired and...and you're just not you. Normally, I'd be all for that, but I don't like what you've become. Please. Talk to me." Rachel stared into his tear-filled eyes and thought for a moment. Slowly, she rolled up her sleeve to show the damage. He gasped in horror, but quietly enough that no one else heard. He reached for the scars slowly, but pulled back, unwilling all of the sudden.

"Take your seats, please." Mr. Schue announced. Rachel yanked at her sleeve and headed towards the chairs, Kurt slower paced. She glanced back and him a few times, each time he was staring at her with sorry eyes. After class, she wanted to wait for him, but she couldn't risk him making a scene or speaking too loudly. Someone grabbed her wrist and she sighed an annoyed sigh.

"Kurt-" Rachel turned to see Noah Puckerman standing in front of her, still holding her wrist. She winced as his fingers dug into where her cuts were. Instantly, he loosened his grip.

"W-What do you want, Puckerman?" she whined, fear and exhaust clearly in her eyes.

"Listen I know..." he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I heard you and Kurt talking a while ago. I know something's up with you. You've gotta tell me, Rachel. I may act like a total badass and ridicule you, but the truth is I am seriously concerned about you. Please, Rach. I want to help." Puck's words were sincere, but Rachel didn't want to risk anything. But she did need to tell _someone..._

"I don't think you can help me, Noah. I'm sorry." A sad Rachel left Puck in the middle of the hallway alone while she hurried to her next class. Her stomach dropped and her heart felt heavy again knowing she just turned away an opportunity to talk to someone.

"Mr. Schue..." Puck called walking back into the choir room.

"Yeah?" the older male said as he put down the music he was organizing and focused on his student who didn't seem okay.

"I need to talk to you. It's about Rachel."

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><p>Rachel sat in her room, bawling her eyes out after shattering her mirror. Her phone buzzed at her bedside and she picked it up, swiping away the tears that she was drowning in.<p>

"Hello?" she whispered, hoping her voice wouldn't let her secrets show.

"Can I come in?" Rachel paused.

"Noah? Wait, what?" Before she could ask anymore, she heard her front door open. She ended the call and ran downstairs.

"Hey-" Noah didn't get his sentence out before Rachel took his hand and pulled him up the stairs into her room. They stood, staring at each other for the longest time until she threw her arms around his strong body and cried. He held her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. She pulled back after the longest time, her face and his T-shirt soaked in tears.

"I-I'm sorry, Noah, I-" she sniffled, touching the wet spot on his shirt. He touched her face, wiping at the tears gently. Slowly, she made her way to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Can you please tell me? I'm worried, Rachel." She stared into his eyes and he looked genuinely concerned. She took a deep breath before looking away and pulling up her sleeve to show her sliced wrist.

"Who did this?" he whispered after staring at it for a moment, tracing it lightly with his fingers.

"What?" she asked, although she heard what he said.

"Who did this?" he said louder, angrier, as he shuddered, his body racketing in anger.

"It was Jesse. He told me...that I sang badly and I wasn't meant to be a star and...and he even called me fat. He...he just totally broke me. I haven't slept or eaten in days, Noah. Look at me. I'm pathetic." Noah stood up and paced, his fists clenched in anger. He was dead-set on beating St James's ass.

"I'm sorry." she whispered on the verge of tears again.

He forgot how upset she was. He quickly sat down and placed his arm around her, letting her hold him again.

"No, Rach. No. Don't be sorry." he whispered into her hair.

"Noah?" she looked up at him innocently.

"Yeah?" he looked back, eyes gentle again.

"Will you...uh...would you mind...ya know...staying, maybe?" she was so afraid of what he'd say. She almost didn't ask at all. She dismissed eye contact after spitting the sentence out.

"Of course, Rachel." he held her in his arms tightly before allowing her to finish her nightly routine. When she finally was finished and returned to her room, he was exploring, seeing what he could see that he didn't before. There was more to Rachel then passion and being obnoxious. She was real. She was more than he'd thought. He suddenly regretted picking on her so much. He watched her crawl in to bed and followed her, laying by her side. Instead of there being awkward tension between them, she filled the space and laid on his chest. His arm soon held her there tightly and both were a little more than content.

"Noah?"

"Yeah Rachel?"

"Thank you." Noah smiled, holding her just a little tighter before closing his eyes. But he wasn't okay yet. He wouldn't be okay until Jesse was punished and Rachel could be okay.

This wasn't over.


	4. Help

Rachel was happy that Noah had stayed the night with her. It was the first time she got sleep in a long time. She woke up refreshed. He couldn't get her to eat breakfast, but at least she was making a little bit of progress.

"Want me to drive us to school?" he asked seeing she still had to be tired considering 8 hours didn't make up for the numerous days she hadn't slept. She nodded sheepishly and he came towards her as she sipped juice at the table and he kissed her cheek and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"It's gonna be okay, Rachel. I promise you." The words hit her hard. She had never really been promised anything, and especially not something like that. She nodded again and he got her jacket for her. She smiled and followed him out to her fathers's car and slid in the passenger side as he opened and closed her door for her. It was so unlike Noah to be gentlemanly, but he kind of owed it. As absurd as it sounded, at least she knew that he was gonna be there for her. Jesse wouldn't be able to take her down. He could never hurt her again.

School seemed easier, lighter. She almost felt the need to smile with Noah's hand on her lower back seemingly holding her together and giving her the courage to move forward. She was happy. For once in a long time, she was happy.

"Rachel? May I speak with you?" Everything was okay, up to that point. Mr. Schue completely caught her off guard as she stood there, clueless on the risers as the rest of the glee club members filed out. The only ones left were Noah, Kurt, Rachel, and Mr. Schue. She should've known Kurt talked to Noah. Her face felt hot and she wanted to run, but instead she let the boys guide her to her teacher's office and sank into the chair.

"You're classmates are concerned about you, Rachel, and honestly, I am too. They told me about...well about how you're coping with everything and I-I, well...it just broke my heart. May I...?" he asked awkwardly pointing to her sleeve. She nodded, a few tears slipping silently and Puck rolled up the sleeve for her. One of Mr. Schue's hands darted to cover his mouth, while the other lingered above her arm before he allowed his fingers to lightly dance across the scars.

"Rachel-I...what...what caused this? The guys didn't tell me the details." She finally looked up at her teacher and saw the concern in his eyes. They were worried, and filled with liquid.

"Well um...it was...it-it was..." Rachel couldn't contain herself anymore. She burst into tears and allowed Mr. Schue to even let a few slip before wiping them away.

"It was that douchebag St James. He told her she sucked and questioned her weight, accusing her of noticeable gaining. He took away her confidence." Kurt explained as both guys rubbed her back as she sobbed into her hands.

"I'm so sorry. I honestly believed he changed. I-I, just had no idea. Rachel, I didn't mean for any of this to happen and believe me...you don't have to forgive me. He really hurt you on my discretion. I am so sorry, Rach." He reached for her and touched her arm for comfort.

"No...I...Mr. Schue, I'm not mad at you. I-I'm mad at Jesse. I forgive you, Mr. Schue." Rachel choked out, her voice shaky as she finished her tears trying not to make her teacher cry anymore.

"Rachel, thank you. But...are you gonna be alright?" he was cautious, trying not to upset the tiny star anymore. She had been through enough.

"Yeah, Mr. Schue. Thanks to you guys." she smiled looking at all the men that surrounded her. She was loved by so many.

* * *

><p>"What the hell did you do?" he shouted at the small framed man in front of him - the lead male vocalist of Vocal Adrenaline.<p>

"Excuse me?" Jesse asked the older man who came storming in to the auditorium where he was practicing.

"You heard me, St James. What the hell did you do to make Rachel feel that? Hmm?" he was angry. This wasn't Mr. Schue backing up a student. No, this was Will standing up for a girl who had believed in him from the beginning and he had believed in her. She was there for him when he needed it and even when he didn't know he needed it and now it was time for him to return the favor.

"Listen, I don't know what you're rambling on about that talent-less psycho, but whatever it is, it's not worth my time."

"You damn well know what I'm talking about and I will not stand for this. You are not permitted back at McKinely and if you even the slightest contact with her I will make you regret you ever were born, got it? Go to hell." he had took Jesse's collar in his fist and Jesse squirmed. He let go and stared at the young boy.

"You make me sick." he began to walk away, but stopped at the door.

"Oh and Jesse..." The boy turned to look at the teacher, just wishing he'd leave already. He didn't like feeling intimidated.

"Fuck you." With that, Will left the auditorium and the school and headed home.

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><p>Jesse had wished that was the end of the threats. He wished that after facing the Glee club teacher, he'd be home free. But Jesse was wrong. As he got out of his car to walk into school, he ran into another McKinely High member: Noah Puckerman. His stomach dropped and his heart pounded, terrified of what would happen to him. To his surprise, Puck didn't touch him. He simply looked down at him and stared.<p>

"Are you gonna kick my ass or what?" Jesse finally said hating the anticipation.

"No." Puck said firmly.

"Then what?" Jesse asked confused.

"I wanted to show you something. Something you did. Rachel?" Puck moved out of the way to uncover a tiny girl with tired eyes, scars up and down her arms, and sadness in her eyes.

"R-Rachel?" Jesse was taken back at what he was seeing. He never imagined that simple words he said could do something so terrible to a person.

"Look what you did to this gorgeous girl. She was so beautiful, inside and out, and you broke her. You broke her, Jesse. She had so much to offer and now thinks of herself as nothing. Are you happy? Did you succeed? She barely sleeps and refuses to eat most of the time. Who are you to make her feel so damn unpretty, St James? You're disgusting. I hope you rot in hell you son of a bitch." Puck placed his arm around Rachel's waist and walked her to his car. Jesse stood there, motionless, and fell to his knees.

What_ had_ he done?


	5. What We Once Knew

Jesse began to cry in that parking lot, on his knees, his face in his hands. He had just destroyed the girl he once, no, _still_ loved and wouldn't be able to get her back.

"God...please. P-please let her be okay. Let her recover. I'm so sorry, Rachel." he whispered through his tears. He couldn't make this right. Nothing could make up for the pain he caused her. There was no point in trying. He couldn't change the past and he knew "sorry" just wouldn't cut it this time.

"I deserve to be beaten." he cried. "Dammit! Why couldn't Puck have beaten my ass?" he punched a fist on the pavement, only to bring it back to wipe at his eyes and to run it through his hair. This wasn't the Jesse he had become or what he was...this was the real Jesse - everything stripped away.. This was the Jesse he always wanted to find, but never could. He didn't like being arrogant or conceited or alone. He paused for a moment and stared at the sky.

"I'm sorry Rachel." he whispered.

* * *

><p>"It's gonna be okay, Sweetie. I can promise you that." Puck whispered into Rachel's hair as he took her to each of her classes. They had become so much closer since he stopped her that day in the hallway. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt like he was falling for her. And she felt the same way. With him she felt...safe and secure. He was going to be there day to day wiping her tears away and letting her sleep on his chest, cuddled safely and warm in his strong arms.<p>

"I know. Noah?" It seemed like their conversations always played out like this.

"Yeah, Rachel?" he smiled looking down at her. She looked like she was recovering, but he knew it would take some time, and he was fine with that.

"Thank you. You don't have to do all this and I know I've been unbearable in the past but,I don't mean to be like that. I'm sorry." he took the frustrated brunette in his arms and held her close.

"I don't like seeing you so lost and unhappy. And now that I've seen the real you, I get it. You don't have to be sorry for anything, Rach. I love you just the way you are." She grew stiff in his arms.

"Y-You, you what?" she asked a bit startled.

"I said I love you. I love you for you, Rachel." he said confidently, smirking.

"I-I don't know what to say..." she looked up into his dark, glistening eyes and collected herself. "Except that I love you, too." she leaned in as he did and they shared their first kiss together in the vacant hallway. The only class they were missing was Glee and Mr. Schue would understand. After practically swallowing each other whole, they walked hand in hand to Glee club. She expected him to pull away when they arrived, but he didn't. Instead, he tightened the grip and they sat together in the front row.

Mr. Schue stared at Rachel who simply dismissed the eye contact and leaned her head on Puck's shoulder, only giving a quick smile. He had become so frustrated at what Jesse had done to her, what he made her. He hated him. He just wanted to kick Jesse's ass and then hold Rachel when she cried. She had become like a daughter and a friend to him and it killed him inside to her hurting.

Noah kissed her forehead while Mr. Schue taught, but was cautious. Rachel hung in the entire time, listening intently although she was really thinking about Puck. She clung to his arm, resting her head on his shoulder still. He held her tightly to his body, imagining that if no one would've talked to her, seen the signs, she could be dead right now. He savored his time with her, never wanting to let her go.

"Rachel, could you stay after class, please?" she gave him a questioning look as she picked up her bag, ready to leave, but nodded. Noah stopped and was about to hang around, but she hugged him tightly before speaking.

"You can go, Noah. You can't miss anymore classes and I'll be fine. I promise." her words melted his heart and he hugged her before quickly pecking her on the lips.

"Oh, wow. So are you guys kind of a thing now?" Mr. Schue asked surprised.

"Yeah. He cares about me and he says he loves me. I believe him, because well, I love him too." Rachel smiled thinking about him.

"Rachel..." he walked towards her and set her down, sitting next to her, placing his hand lightly on her knee. "Isn't this...well, isn't this kind of what Jesse did?"

"No...no. Noah...he, he loves me. And I love him. Y-you're wrong. He's not like Jesse." she shuddered, remembering, and fell forward into her teacher's arms who held her tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he whispered rubbing her back gently. After a minute, she pulled back and allowed him to help wiping her many tears away.

"Sorry, I'm kind of all over the place. Don't sweat it. Thanks, Mr. Schue." she got up and began walking to the door.

"Wait." he called. She turned back and headed towards him.

"Are you gonna be okay, Rach?" she watched his concerned, tired eyes. Noah's eyes were tired too. He swore to her he slept, but she knew the truth. Neither of them would admit the weight being pressed down on them.

"Yeah...I think so." she wrapped her arms around him one more time to try and ease his mind. She let go and again headed for the door. This time, he let her leave.

"Be good to her, Noah." he spoke to the silence.

* * *

><p>"Hey I can come over tonight right?" Noah asked Rachel on the phone thinking he knew the answer.<p>

"Actually...my dads come home tonight." she said sadly, heart practically breaking.

"Oh." he said quietly. "What are we gonna do?"

"I-I don't know, Noah. I-I need to see you. Please." she begged.

"I'll be there in five."

He must have sped down the road 3 times the speed limit because he was right with his prediction. 5 minutes.

"Noah!" Rachel cried, leaping into her boyfriend's arms. He caught her easily, no problem. She took his face in her hands and kissed him fiercely.

"I love you, Noah." she whispered against his lips.

"I love you too, Rachel." she hugged his neck before he carried her up the stairs to her room. They sat on her bed for a while, holding on to each other.

"I'm sorry I'm so needy." Rachel said looking down, playing with his fingers. It was silent for a moment.

"I'm not. And you're still getting back on your feet and I'm gonna be here until you do...and after, if you want me." Rachel looked up at him and smiled, thanking him with kiss.

"I'll always want you, Noah. That won't change. I promise." Rachel knew she had no control over that, but she didn't care. She said it anyway, curling into him.

He kissed her head and they drifted off. They could face her fathers when they woke up and not a second before.

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><p><strong>Thank you all for the support and for reading! I really love you guys! Please review!<strong>

**Also, need help on where to continue this...sort of at a loss! Any ideas, just review! Thanks so much!**

**Love y'all! :D**


	6. Real Change

Jesse couldn't sleep. He stayed up all night, tossing and turning in his bed. Every time he tried to sleep and he succeeded, he ended up waking in a cold sweat, guilt clutching his heart. He only slept for about 5 minutes at a time, and eventually, didn't see a point in trying anymore. He sat up the rest of the night until morning came. He got up and couldn't even find it in himself to eat breakfast. He just drove to school, the slightest taste on alcohol on his breath.

"God, Rachel" he sighed frustrated in the parking lot, resting his head on the steering wheel. The rain poured down and he finally found it in himself to get out of his car and walk towards the building. He let the tears of shame slip out, knowing they'de be masked by the rain. He quickly wiped them as he opened the doors and attended each of his classes. Everything seemed dull and boring. He couldn't focus and he couldn't participate, thankfully for Mr. St James, it didn't matter. He was going to pass regardless. His friends and teachers questioned his mood, but he shrugged them off saying it was the weather getting him down. They weren't suspicious when he canceled on practice, though - he could do it anytime and make up to 4 rehearsals up in one sitting. He had some immunity that everyone respected.

The day dragged on and on and seemed endless until he silently cheered hearing the last bell. He was done. It was time for the weekend where he could mourn and wallow in pity and shame all he wanted. After sulking in the parking lot a minute longer, he drove, just drove. He didn't know where he was going, but let his heart take the wheel anyway. It didn't take long before he found himself in another parking lot, almost with no recollection of how he got there or why he was there.

McKinely High.

What could he do? He knew he must've been there because of Rachel, but it was likely she already went home. But one couldn't be sure...Jesse cautiously walked into the building, trying to hide himself in his sweatshirt. He knew that only the Glee kids probably knew about him, but he had to play it safe. His heart almost stopped when he heard singing in the choir room. Wednesday. It was Glee kids were all rehearsing. This was a mistake. He couldn't be here with all of them here. He'd have to wait.

"Dammit" he cursed under his breath, slumping against the wall out of sight. He slid to sit down and listened intently.

"Mr. Schue if I may, I'd like to sing a piece." The familiar voice made him smile. Sure, he must've looked like an idiot, but he couldn't help but smile. Then his heart dropped deep in his chest and it stung. It physically was hurting him._ The guilt will be over soon _he thought, trying to reassure himself.

"Sure, Rach, but first, Noah and I have something we'd like to sing for you." Jesse, taken back, peeked around the corner to see Rachel, looking so much better, look up at Puckerman confused. He just smiled, pecking her cheek before he got up and grabbed his guitar.

"Wait, what?" Jesse was referring to the kiss, stopped peering around the corner to stare forward. _Nothing. He's just comforting her. It meant nothing._

"You're so mean when you talk about yourself. You were wrong. Change the voices in your head. Make them like you instead. So complicated, look happy you make it..."

The two men strummed their guitars in a familiar tune, but it obviously had a twist. Jesse faded in and out of the masterpiece, too busy thinking of Rachel.

"Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me...You're perfect..." the guys sang in perfect harmony. It was genius to make "Perfect" an acoustic version.

The kids clapped as the song ended and Jesse was brought back to reality. He turned the corner to see Rachel joyful and it lifted his heart from the black abyss, that is until she wrapped herself in Puck's arms and then...kissed him. She kissed him.

That was when Jesse realized that it was over. Rachel had finally found happiness and loved herself more than ever and that she had also found love. She wouldn't ever be able to love him again. He knew that and he couldn't change it.

For Jesse, it was over. He wasn't getting a second chance.

The only question: Was it worth it to still talk to her?

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><p><strong>I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! PLEASE send some feedback. Love to hear from y'all! Still taking suggestions and some ideas! Thanks so much! Much love, Nicole xoxo<strong>


	7. Turn it Around

_What can I do? Will talking to her really make a difference? No, I have to, regardless. I love her and I need to hear her voice. I need her to look into my eyes and know I'm sorry. _Jesse deliberated as he stood up. He took a deep breath before turning the corner and walking into the choir room.

"Oh shit!" Puck screamed before jumping on top of Jesse and punching him in the face repeatedley. Mr. Schue and half the glee club had to pull him off of the younger male.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Mr. Schue and Rachel both screamed. Puck's knuckles were bloodied from Jesse's mouth. Jesse coughed up the blood in his mouth on the carpet then was helped up by Mr. Schue.

"I deserve that." Jesse said, wiping at his mouth. Puck fought against the arms restraining him for another shot against St James, but didn't win.

"Now what the hell are you doing here? I told you never to set foot here again." Mr. Schue's tone was harsh and angry.

"Wait, what? When did you speak to him?" Rachel's tiny voice chimed in. Jesse's eyes shot to her, smiling. He loved her, but her eyes were sad and afraid. They both dismissed the eye contact.

"It doesn't matter. Now what are you doing here, St James?" he growled again.

"Listen. I'm not here to start trouble, I-I want to tell Rachel that I'm...I'm sorry."

"You son of a bitch." Puck still fought against the arms holding him back and got free for a second, giving it everything he got. Jesse was again on the floor spitting up the blood until Mr. Schue got a hold of Puck.

"Cut it out! He's getting blood on my floor." Mr. Schue said.

"Stop it! Just stop!" Rachel cried. Jesse smiled, thankful she still cared. "I'm not doing this for you, Jesse. I just hate my glee club being distracted from our precious work." Jesse's heart hurt, but he knew it was partially for him.

"Rachel. I-I didn't know that...that simple words I let leave my idiot mouth could hurt someone like that. I never wanted you so...so broken." he said taking a look at Puck who had since calmed down.

"I'm sorry, more sorry than you'll ever know. I deserve to die. I don't like who I am, okay? Sometimes I wish I was never born at all...but then I remember you. I remember how beautiful and talented you are. Thank you. I-I know you're not going to take me back and that Puck is so much better for you than I'll ever be, but...you-you needed to know I'm sorry." Jesse was in tears, honest tears. It obviously wasn't acting. Rachel knew that. The rest of the club may not have been so convinced, but she knew.

"I love you." he said, walking toward her. She turned away, not wanting to fall in love with him all over again. He tucked a finger under her chin to look at him.

"Please, Rachel. I-I just want to see your eyes again, Rach. Please." Slowly, Rachel lifted her gaze to meet his eyes. His eyes, so tear-filled, were hypnotizing, but she knew she could never love him, not like she did, ever again. But she would always love him. They both smiled.

"Rachel, I-I know it's a lot to ask...and you don't have to if you don't want to...but could you uh maybe...could I have a..." Before Jesse could figure out something, someway to say it, she gave in to his command. She wrapped her arms around him and he held her tightly. She cried silently into his shoulder and he took in her scent. God, he missed her smell.

"Jesse...I'll always love you. That'll never change. I-I just...I'm with Noah now." Rachel pulled back to see Noah's eyes also wet. He wouldn't cry, not in front of the club, but he would later. Same with Mr. Schue. They would both be a mess when they got home or everyone left. Probably most of the club would.

"Rachel, Rachel. I know. I know I screwed up and I'm glad that you're happy with Noah. Just know I'm sorry." Rachel nodded, crying a bit more in another hug.

"I love you." Jesse whispered, pecking her on the cheek, but he stopped. He held his lips to her cheek for a moment longer and the tension grew.

"I...I'm sorry." he whispered, then repeated it a bit louder to everyone. He turned, heading towards the door.

"Jesse, wait!" But he was gone. Rachel stopped everything, stopped blinking, stopped breathing. Then she ran. She ran out the door to Jesse as he was stepping into his car.

"Jesse!" she screamed. He stopped, closed the door and turned towards her.

"Rachel." he breathed, smiling.

She ran towards him and...she kissed him. She took his mouth with hers. He was shocked, but kissed back. She pulled back, and stared into his eyes.

Jesse had been forgiven, but now Rachel had to face the consequences with Noah.

What had_ she_ done?


	8. Forgiveness

"Jesse...I-" Rachel stuttered in front of the man she once loved.

"Rachel, Rachel. I know." he held her shoulders, watched her worried face, and couldn't help but smile. "Come here." he opened his arms and she hugged him tightly. She didn't want to let go. She only did when the rest of the Glee club ran outside.

Rachel pulled back, wiping her eyes.

"Goodbye, Jesse." she held out her hand. He chuckled and held out his hand as well.

"Goodbye, Miss Berry. I hope to see you soon." They laughed and they shook hands. Noah came behind her and placed his arm around her waist. She took one longing look at Jesse then turned and headed back towards the school with Noah.

"Oh and Rachel!" She turned around so quickly.

"Don't forget to sing that song." Jesse smiled. She nodded, then ran towards the building with Noah.

Jesse knew things weren't going to be easy for Rachel now, because he knew she'd tell Noah. But he'd be there. If she needed someone, he was going to be there. Sure, he could never love Rachel like he wanted to again, but he'd be the best god damn friend she ever had.

* * *

><p>"What do you dream about?" Rachel asked as her and Noah sat on her bed that night.<p>

"I don't know." he answered honestly.

"You don't have any _dreams_?" She asked surprised.

"Not really. I mean, I just want to be happy." That was a good answer coming from Noah. Rachel leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her head and took her hand. She played with his fingers, unsure of how to tell him.

"Hey, is something wrong?" Noah asked, at first laughing at her. Then, as she continued to grow wary and played impatiently with his fingers, his smile faded.

"Rach, what's wrong?" he turned her face towards him. She a few tears slide down her face and watch his fill with worry.

"Noah, I-...I kissed Jesse." she fell forward, crying into his arms. He held her for a while, but he was thinking. Maybe Jesse was right for her. Everyone screws up now and then. He would know. But he could swear in his heart that he loved her, too. He rubbed her back, trying to hold back his frustration. This girl was a mess and she needed someone, but he didn't want to blow up at her either.

"Rachel, I mean-I'm not..." He couldn't find the right words to say as she stared at him with pleading eyes. He tried to dodge, avoid them, but they drew him in each and every time.

"I'm sorry, Rachel, really. But - I have to go. Please don't take this the wrong way. I love you, I just...I need some time to think. I'm sorry." he kissed her head then stared into her eyes, and kissed her lips one last time before heading out. She was ready to bawl, to let everything, all her progress, fall apart. She was ready to be done, but something stopped her. The gold stars on her dresser, the ones all over her things. She couldn't cry. Sure, company wouldn't be bad, but she wasn't going to cry. She was so much stronger than that. Rachel was back. Rachel was once again herself and never going back to that pitiful, sad Rachel.

She picked her phone off of the bedside table and dialed.

"Jesse?"

"Rachel? Are you okay?" she missed hearing his voice worrying for her. He wasn't lying before. He did love her still and he did in fact care.

"Yeah, but would you mind coming over? I mean I just told Puck and he left, politely might I add, but it's still kind of lonely." The other end was silent for a moment.

"Wouldn't that be...weird if he found out I came over?"

"Maybe, but it's just me having a good friend over for some company. He has no valid reason to be mad." Rachel was persuasive and made it clear to Jesse that she had recovered. He smiled.

"Okay, Rach. As long as it'll be okay. I'll be there soon." Now it was her turn to smile.

"Thanks, Jesse." she was ready to hang up, but he stopped her.

"And Rachel?"

"Yeah, Jesse?" her voice was excited, but she was subtle about it.

"Thanks for not deleting my number off your phone." He hung up.

She sat on her bed, thinking about that last statement, his voice ringing in her head. She never dared delete his number. And she had a good reason: she had never stopped loving him. It was days like these where she was glad to be alive.

Jesse contemplated the entire idea while he drove. He wanted to Rachel again, to be there for her, but he didn't to get her in more trouble with her boyfriend. But he never stopped driving. He knocked on her door and she was so quick to open it, it scared him. She was too excited. He was seriously worried about his Rachel.

"Jesse!" she wrapped her arms around him and he couldn't hold on to his train of thought or intentions any longer. He picked her up in the hug and spun her around.

"Hey, Rachel." he laughed setting her down.

"Hey, Jesse?" she asked looking up at him. He smiled into her dark eyes.

"Yeah, Rach?" he chuckled.

"Thanks for not forgetting where I lived." his smiled dropped. _What was he doing? _She had a boyfriend and he was kind of leading her on. He shook it off and flashed her a quick smile and followed her up to her room. They sat on the bed and he explored her room with his eyes, remembering where everything was supposed to be. It was exactly how it was. He watched her as she went on and on about how she was going to spend the rest of her year and how much the glee club had grown. It was like she never left at all.

"Rachel?" he stopped her. She turned and faced him who she knew had been staring at her. Her lip quivered as her suddenly innocent eyes never left him. He embraced her without warning, holding her tightly against him.

"I love you." he whispered, practically crushing her. She wasn't going to complain, though. She had missed how he felt against her and squeezed tightly back, reluctant to let go. She was safe with him. He missed her too in all honesty. He was stupid to hurt her and he obviously didn't deserve her, but Rachel wouldn't see that. No matter what he did, she always could forgive and still love, love with all her heart.

"I love you, too." Everything in that moment was perfect. All lies, all things that hurt, anything bad were all forgotten in that moment. There was love and only love.

Against his warm body, in that perfect moment, her phone vibrated against her leg and she reluctantly pulled away. She pulled it out, only to see the notorious Noah Puckerman calling her. She glanced up at Jesse who only nodded, although in his eyes, shone defeat.

"Yeah, Noah?" her voice was slightly shaky.

"Oh Rachel, good. Look I'm sorry I left you alone. I just needed some time to get myself together. I ain't mad, but I think we should talk."

"When?" her voice shook again and she prayed he didn't notice.

"How about before or after Glee Monday?" he asked

"Sure, Noah." she said weakly.

"Love you, Rach." Noah smiled a little bit. That smile faded when she paused.

"You too." It hit Noah hard and Rachel felt the same. The weight pressed down on both of them. After she ended the call, Jesse was there once again to hold her. He kissed her head gently.

"It's gonna be okay." he whispered gently and seriously. She whimpered against his neck a little, but did what she could to contain herself.

"I'm sorry, Jesse." she whispered, the tears welling in her eyes and she squeezed them out. He rubbed her back, knowing that none of this had to happen if he wasn't such a jackass.

"No, Rachel. I'm sorry." he whispered, too, crying with her. They held on to each other for as long as possible, that is until she heard her fathers coming home from work and opening the door. Jesse walked towards the window, but she stopped him.

"No, I have to tell them the truth. I can't hide my life from them much longer anyway." he nodded, sitting next to her on the edge of the bed and holding her hand.

"Rachel, sweetie? Who's car is that out front?" one of her fathers called.

"In my room, Dad." they found her next to Jesse and were instantly worried and confused all at once.

"I need to talk to you guys." she said informatively.

"D-don't we know this boy?" one of them questioned.

"You probably saw me at the show choir competitions. I'm the lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline." Jesse smiled. Rachel chuckled slightly.

"Anyway, he's the boy I used to date and Noah, who you probably wouldn't approve of anyway, kind of left me alone here, so Jesse came. He's a real gentleman. Noah and I are probably going to break up tomorrow anyway, though. Is...is there anyway that Jesse could stay the night? He'll be totally good, I promise." they sighed and discussed with each other through eye contact and body language.

"I guess that would be alright, Rachel. Although we disapprove of dating boys without our permission, if you're breaking up with him I guess it'll be fine. Plus, we like this boy. I remember now. Goodnight baby." They each kissed her head and heading back downstairs.

"Thank you!" she called, chuckling, leaning her head on Jesse's neck.

"So, you think you and Noah are finished? I mean you looked so happy." Jesse said after a minute or two of sweet silence.

"Yeah, but we're running thin. He-he's really been just an amazing friend, but I guess we just substituted it for love." she looked down in her hands and he held her tight.

"Thanks, Jesse. For everything." she smiled, looking up at him. He couldn't help but smile back, but it retreated.

"Rachel, please don't thank me. I've screwed up enough and I shouldn't be forgiven. You can't give up so easily. But I can promise I'll never hurt you again for as long as I live, which may not be long if Noah wants to still beat me up." Jesse laughed and Rachel giggled next to him.

"I know, Jesse. I know. And, just for the record, I never stopped loving you." she looked down again, afraid he wouldn't have felt the same. He saw her fear and tilted her chin to look at him. He didn't think twice before kissing her. He needed her in his life, whether she wanted him back or not. He needed her. She felt the same way, kissing back, never once proving to be unhappy.

Afterwards, Rachel felt bad, but not because she had cheated for a second time on Noah, but because she didn't feel bad about it. It was so wrong.

"Rachel, I-" he spoke, but she stopped him with her tiny finger.

"Don't apologize. That was as much of me as it was you. Neither of us can say we didn't want it...right?" Rachel was entirely back. She still wasn't sure if she could trust Jesse that he loved her, but she still left herself open.

"Definitely." he breathed. Rachel eventually moved to her pillow and laid down, ready to sleep and be done with the drama for today. Jesse wasn't sure what to do anymore.

"Jesse." she finally whispered and patted the space next to her. He quickly moved and laid next to her, watching her sleepy smile grow. She moved to lay on his chest and cuddled her face in his shoulder and neck. Jesse was thankful. He could smell her hair as it flooded his nose and it reminded him of what he was finally getting to experience again. He thought he'd be lucky to have her look in his eyes, or maybe a hug or two, but this - this was heaven for him.

"I love you." she whispered against his skin, her lips a centimeter from touching it. His heart raced and his breath became hitched in his chest.

"I love you too, Rachel. Goodnight." He took this as the perfect opportunity to kiss her hair and even her cheek.

Not a minute later, they were both asleep, thankful the weekend was finally upon them.

Everything could be perfect. They didn't have to worry until Monday or if Puck decided to stop by to see Rachel.

But at the moment, all was well and Jesse was happy.

He was finally forgiven.


	9. Beginnings and Endings

**Sorry this took SO long, but I've been extremely busy with school and majorly stressed! SO sorry guys, honestly!**

* * *

><p>The weekend made it easier for Jesse and Rachel to get everything together. She awoke in his arms, happily content, but reluctant to get up. She stirred, not wanting to get up, but waking him up in the process. He laughed at her whines and held on to her a moment longer before sitting up. Rachel, not wanting to give up her entire routine, checked her phone. 5 new messages.<p>

She frowned.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, watching her sift through the messages. They both knew who it would be and could only imagine what they contained.

"Rachel?" Jesse pressed again, this time much lighter.

"Hmm? Sorry...it's just...it doesn't matter." she shrugged. They also both knew she was lying. It mattered. It always mattered. It just hung on how much. Jesse watched her worried eyes glance back to her phone, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She turned to face him and hugged him tight. He didn't want to lose her, not after he'd gotten so close. But how could he keep her from someone she obviously wasn't ready to let go of - someone who had helped her and made her a better and stronger person when he tore her down?

"I'm sorry, Rachel. None of this should've...should have happened." he swallowed, his heart heavy. Jesse spoke over her shoulder, pressing his face into her neck and shoulder and crying. He wasn't going to sit around and pretend everything could be okay. Rachel tightened upon hearing his cries and rubbed his back gently. She tousled his hair and kissed his neck and collar gently. He felt so ashamed, but so thankful as well. He breathed in heavily before pulling back to smile at her.

* * *

><p>Noah sat in his bed, his phone in his hands, waiting. Just waiting. He was anxious for Rachel's reply. He wasn't sure why he sent them and he didn't even know if he meant what he said or even how he felt at this point, but he wanted an answer. He dug his nails into the skin on his knuckles, anxious. Noah refused to do anything until he heard from Rachel. His stomach churned just imagining her with Jesse.<p>

He allowed the pain in his stomach to continue until he imagined their kiss...He shoved his phone in his pocket and headed out the door towards her house. He knew it was dangerous for everyone considering that Rachel wouldn't be able to restrain him, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

* * *

><p>"Don't you think you should answer him? I mean you don't have to tell me anything, but I think he'd like a response." Jesse suggested as Rachel fidgeted with her phone.<p>

"Maybe...I don't know..." They both grew silent as there was a knock at the door. Jesse watched Rachel's eyes, still scared and stressed and rose to his feet. He headed downstairs and took a deep breath before opening the door. He could hear Rachel on the steps behind him. Jesse slowly opened the door. Mistake.

Puck was on him in a second, pinning him with his knees while he swung at his face. Rachel's screams and swats finally calmed him enough to help Jesse up and to even help clean him up.

"Listen, dude, I'm sorry. I just still haven't got over the whole thing yet." Noah said throwing the bloody paper towel away.

"It's alright. I understand" Jesse nodded.

"What are you doing here, though? Didn't you wear that yesterday..." Puck finally came to the realization and luckily caught himself from swinging again. Instead he headed to the door.

"Dammit Noah! Could you just stop it for one second? I mean honestly, haven't I been through enough that I don't need you starting anymore trouble? I mean of course I appreciate what you've done for me and what you've been for me but can you please stop acting so immature?" Rachel was frustrated. Jesse stared in disbelief. Noah stopped.

"Rachel...I'm-" He started

"No. Save it, Noah. This is just too much. I'd really appreciate it if you left right now." Noah stared at her longingly, then turned, his head down, and walked out her door.

Jesse walked towards her and touched her arm. She turned to look at him, then headed to the freezer and got him some ice.

"Rachel" he held her wrist just as she applied the ice to the side of his mouth.

"What?" she looked deep into his eyes, searching for an answer, but it was useless. She just got lost, over and over again. He was quite for a long while.

"Je-" he touched his finger to her lips.

"Shh" he whispered. He slowly stood up with her help and looked down into her eyes. He leaned in slowly to touch his lips to her forehead. She rested her head on his chest and stayed silent as he told her to. Slowly, but surely, she began to calm down. Her breath staggered and instead of huffs, came long, deep breaths. She pulled back to look up at him.

"Okay?" he asked, a smiling playing at his once bloody lips. She nodded, laughing briefly. The worry soon returned to her eyes, but he held her together. He was never going to let her fall apart.

* * *

><p>She took deep breaths, Jesse by her side in the warm car, the radio's volume low, almost inaudible. They were parked outside the school and were staring at each other seriously.<p>

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" he squeezed her shoulder, then slid his hand down her arm to hold her hand. "Rachel?"

She lifted her opposite hand and opened the door. Jesse smiled proudly. He walked with her through the halls, hand wrapped around her waist lightly and delicately. Once they reached Rachel's locker, he turned her around.

"Listen, I'm gonna be late for class. I'll come back during my lunch to see you at Glee okay?" He stared into her eyes which were sad momentarily, then soon smiled back at him.

"Okay, Jesse." he smiled at the sound of his name from her lips and he kissed her forehead. She hugged tightly to his chest, unwilling to let go, but slowly slid from his grip.

He stared at her a moment longer and began to walk away.

"Wait, Jesse!" he quickly turned at the sound of his name coming from the tiny girl. She wrapped her arms around him once more and he held her tightly back.

"Okay...I-I'm sorry. I just had to do that one more time." she admitted. He kissed her cheek this time and held her hand before slipping away from her fingertips.

* * *

><p>Her image lingered in his mind as he mindlessly taught his classes. They seemed to go by so quickly. He wondered if he even taught, or if he was rambling off nothing and slurring and mumbling through his sentences - that is if they were sentences. He rested his head on his fingertips as he sat at his desk during his free period. He just couldn't believe he saw Rachel with Jesse earlier that morning. It made his stomach churn with anxiety.<p>

_God, why? _he seemed to ask himself over and over. _He had hurt her so badly and now he thinks he can just walk back into her life and pretend everything's okay? Damn. _The sound of the bell startled him, but he couldn't escape from his thoughts. He walked to Glee, thoughts still intact and running his mind. He sat down, just looking at each of the kids. He watched their interactions, their mannerisms. He scanned the room for Rachel - and found someone unexpected. Jesse was sitting by her, arm around her shoulder, and laughing about something or another. It took all Will had not to punch him in the face.

"Jesse, what are you doing here?" Will stood up, speaking sternly, protectively.

"Oh, Mr. Schuester, I'm sorry. I-I thought you knew. If you want me to leave, I understand." he spoke innocently and all was quiet. Everyone stared at Will and Rachel fidgeted slightly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, just walking in here and thinking everything's okay?" he stepped closer to the man, but kept his distance, trying to force back his impulses. Everything he thought was coming out and he didn't need it expressed through violence.

"I know I screwed up, I-I screwed up royally and I'm sorry. I just wanted to be here for Rachel." Jesse stood, glancing back to Rachel.

"You've got a lot of nerve coming back here, you know." Mr. Schue said angrily.

"Sure, Mr. Schue, maybe he does, but you're wrong about him. He screwed up, sure, but we all do. I mean I would know. Fuck, would I know. You don't have to take it out on him just because he isn't God damn perfect. I know things haven't been so easy for you either, so I don't understand why the hell you'd blame him." Everyone grew silent as Noah spoke. After eyes drifted from him, they all landed on Mr. Schue. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth for a moment, then released the tension. He looked at the group of kids in front of him.

"Rachel, you're in charge." he mumbled under his breath seriously.

"What?" she asked, confused as to what he was speaking of.

"You heard me. Just do this for me, okay?" he said only slightly louder. He walked out of the room after grabbing his coat and headed out the door.

The club was more silent than they had been before. Rachel stood up, but Jesse grabbed her wrist.

"Rachel, you don't have to do this." he pleaded.

"No, you're right. The difference is I want to." she smiled before shaking off his hand which had grown limp. "Okay. Scales. We need to warm up." Rachel bounced to the center of the room.

"But what about Mr. Schue? Shouldn't someone check on him?" Mercedes questioned. Rachel thought a moment.

"I'll do it. I need to set things right." Jesse said.

"I won't let you go alone. I'm coming, too." Rachel said.

"Wait, if you both go, who's going to run this Hell hole?" Santana scoffed sarcastically.

"I can do it. I mean I'm just as good as Berry over there." Mercedes smiled.

"Thanks, Mercedes. We owe you one." Rachel smiled touching her arm lightly.

"I'm gonna hold you to that I hope y'all know." she laughed. They both smiled slightly before rushing out the door to find their broken teacher and friend. It wasn't hard. He was slouched against a pole in the parking lot, sitting on the curb.

"Oh, Mr. Schue!" Rachel called as she ran to his side. He sighed in annoyance. "Oh, Mr. Schue." she wrapped her arms around his neck quickly. "I'm so sorry." He hugged her back, then let them help him up on his feet.

"No...I- uh- overreacted." he said, staring at Jesse, definitely unsure of what he was saying and obviously not being genuine. He did look like a wreck, though. His hair didn't seem as perfect and he had circles under his eyes which meant he hadn't been sleeping, still worrying about her. Rachel studied his face. _He does care about me. I'm the reason why he can't sleep. I worry him. _She thought. Jesse noticed everything, too and gave her a longing look. Then it grew silent, causing Rachel to turn around. The absence of footsteps she heard seemed to echo now. When she turned, her eyes met Noah's. Jesse didn't seemed to notice, fixated on how he was going to apoloigize to Mr. Schue. She shook off his gaze and returned to Mr. Schue.

"Mr. Schuester, Will, you've got to understand I'm sorry. I know that I deserve to die and I certainly don't deserve any forgiveness or kindness, but just know that I am sorry. I know I'm a jackass and I hate myself. All the time that Rachel was hurting, I wanted to die. I know it's pretty impossible for you to have any reason to believe me, but just understand that I am sorry. I'm sorry to everyone." Jesse spoke genuinely and had teared up, only letting a few leak from his tired, lonely eyes.

"Jesse- I...I didn't understand..." the young teacher started, not angry anymore.

"No I guess you didn't. I mean, damn, I made her feel like I did. Fuck, why was I so stupid?" he raged.

"Wait, Jesse. You said you made me feel...like you did?" Rachel asked, her voice small. He stared into her innocent, pleading eyes. He slowly reached for his sleeve and tugged it up a bit. Scars.

"Jesse..." they both said horrified and ashamed. Rachel threw her arms around Jesse and held him tightly. She cried behind his back and he did too, although he tried not to.

"Look, Mr. Schuester, I know that I don't deserve to be forgiven yet, but - " Jesse was stopped as Mr. Schue also took the young man in a strong hug. Jesse was grateful.

"I'm sorry, Jesse." he mumbled, squeezing the boy a bit tighter. Rachel turned to see Noah turning around, heading back towards the building.

"Wait, Noah!" she called. He ignored her. She ran towards him until she was at his back and she tugged on his arm.

"What the hell do you want?" his eyes were angry and dark - something she'd never seen before. She was taken back by his powerful stance.

"I-I..." she stuttered. He stared into her eyes, and for a second, they softened as he pressed her lips against his. His lips crushed hers as he held her head in place, brushing his cold fingers across her cheek. He pulled back and stared at her shocked expression. Without another word, Noah turned around and headed back to the building, leaving Rachel to face Jesse and Mr. Schue alone, as well as the entire Glee club.


	10. Choices, Choices

Rachel stood there, motionless, unsure of how to handle what had just happened. She could still feel him, taste him, on her lips. The cold wind whipped her hair in her face and she took a staggering breath. Slowly but surely, she turned herself around and slowly paced back to the two men.

"A-Are you okay?" Jesse asked, touching her bare shoulder. She nodded, refusing to cry. He turned to look at Mr. Schue for some type of answer. He just shrugged, then took of his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She smiled lightly as they looked down at her.

"We can't keep the glee club waiting." she smiled. They looked warily at her, but nodded and walked with her back towards the building. Jesse was afraid to touch her, but kept his hand lightly on her back.

"Hey, you guys. Is everything okay?" Mercedes asked, watching the group walk in.

"I don't see any blood, so I think it went perfect." joked Artie. The club laughed.

"We're fine." Jesse stated informatively.

"Thanks for filling in, Mercedes." Mr. Schue smiled, taking his seat at his desk.

Rachel sat next to Kurt and Jesse, staying silent. Kurt gently took her hand and she flashed him a quick grin.

"Hey, where's Puck? Didn't he go out with you guys?" Quinn asked, searching the room.

"Yeah, but he decided to leave. I don't know where he went." Rachel finally spoke. Both Jesse's and Mr. Schuester's eyes were on her. Jesse slowly slid his hand into her other, cautiously intertwining their fingers. She didn't speak, just leaned her head on his shoulder. He kissed her head, then turned to stare forward again.

"Look, I really don't have anything planned honestly. Just take the last few minutes to talk or do whatever." Mr. Schue finally announced, running a hand through his hair.

"Rachel, if you want to talk later, I'm gonna be there, okay? I'm here for you. Just...are you going to make it through today?" his eyes pierced through her skin and penetrated her heart. She felt Kurt's eyes on them as well as a few other wandering ones, too.

"Jesse, I'm fine, but thank you. I'm really, really good." Rachel smiled, but Jesse wasn't so convinced. She hugged his neck, then kissed his cheek. "I promise." he couldn't help but smile back as the bell rang.

Throughout the day, both her teacher and Jesse tried to keep tabs on her, but couldn't seem to find a flaw in her behavior.

* * *

><p>"Hey Rach. You want me to come pick you up?" Jesse said on the phone as the school day ended.<p>

"Sure, Jesse. I'll be in the choir room. You can either call me or come in if you want."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll see you soon, Rachel." Jesse said seriously.

"See you soon." she smiled before tucking the phone back into her pocket. She headed towards the piano where Mr. Schue was familiarizing himself with the music she gave him. His fingers danced on the keys as she belted out her beautiful words. During what was supposed to be an instrumental break, he paused.

"What's the problem, Mr. Schue?" she questioned.

"Rachel, I-...That was beautiful, but - but I just can't shake the feeling that everything's not okay. Noah was out of line outside and he just left you there and you seem to be, well, fine. I'm worried." Rachel stared at him for a long while, then hugged him tightly. He held her like she was his own daughter.

"I'm okay. I-I promise." she whispered softly, honestly. He rubbed her back gently.

"O-okay. I believe you. I-I trust you, Rachel." he continued to hug her tightly for another moment before releasing her and wiping his eyes quickly.

"Do you want me to start where we left off?" he asked calmly.

"Sure." she smiled. Once again, his fingers danced across the keys and soon she was singing again. She held on to her last note, longer than she ever had tried with this particular piece, but he accompanied her with pleasure. As she finally let it go, she didn't hear one set of claps, but two. She turned to see Jesse standing in the doorway. They both smiled as he sauntered towards her and wrapped her in a hug.

"That was amazing." he grinned. She giggled. Mr. Schue stood and shook Jesse's hand, but Jesse insisted on a hug. Mr. Schue obliged and they embraced quickly, but genuinely. He also hugged Rachel and complimented her on her singing.

"Thanks, you guys. I wasn't so sure about the song choice, but I guess I made a good decision." They both laughed at her modesty.

"It was nice working with you Rachel. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Definitely. Thanks, again, Mr. Schue." she said as Jesse took her hand and the walked towards the door.

"Anytime." he smiled.

* * *

><p>The entire week, Rachel hadn't heard a word from Noah. She didn't want to let it bother her, but it was an uneasiness in her stomach that ached a little more as each day passed. Neither Jesse nor Mr. Schue seemed to notice anything and were just happy to have everything back to normal and she didn't want to ruin that either. She didn't like upsetting them and soaking their clothes and wasting their time with her seemingly endless sobs.<p>

Before she knew it, Glee club was back in session for their weekly rehearsal. Jesse had again stayed with her during practice although both the New Directions's director and Carmel High's director were concerned about Jesse being able to listen in during rehearsals. Jesse refused to go, though. He refused to leave Rachel alone, and would only do so if it was what she wanted. The directors finally agreed to the conditions and allowed the young man to do as he pleased. There were other kids to worry about.

Rachel skimmed the room with her eyes in search of the boy who again had made her rethink her previous choices and who was going to be the one for her in this life - but he was no where to be seen.

"Alright guys..." Mr. Schue started with the clap of his hands, but Rachel blocked him out. She slowly pulled out her phone and texted Noah.

**Where are you? Glee club today...**

She was afraid to say anymore to him. She clasped her cell tightly in her hands, waiting for that vibration, but after five minutes tucked it away, disappointed. Jesse watched her face and frowned to himself, and gently let go of her hand. He let it rest on his knee and stared forward as Mr. Schue spoke, although he felt Rachel's eyes on him. He wouldn't dare look at her. The song she had sung that day, "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri, was coming back to him._ He's better for her. He is. _He thought to himself.

The class was a blur to him and Jesse found himself surprised when the bell rang. Without a word, he gathered his things and headed out, hurring to the parking lot, trying not to miss too much of his classes. Rachel rushed out to follow him, but ran into someone on the way out and was soon on the floor.

"I'm sorry, I-" she stopped her apology seeing who she had run into: Noah. They both quickly stood and she refused his help in returning to her feet.

"Rachel, I need to talk to you." she turned.

"I don't want to talk to you!" she urged.

"Yes, you do. You wouldn't have texted me if you didn't wanna talk to me. I'm not an idiot. Well, not totally anyway." Rachel stopped and listened, and realizing he was right, she turned around to face him. He smiled slightly and led her into the choir room.

Mr. Schue turned to see the two of them and a look of worry grew on his face as he took a protective stance.

"It's okay, Mr. Schue. We're just here to talk." he stayed for a moment longer, staring the boy down, then retreated to his office, but kept alert.

Rachel sat on the bleachers and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, unsure of how to act towards Noah anymore. He paced, searching for the right words.

"Rachel...first of all, I-I'm sorry. I've just been kinda mixed up lately and I can't control my impulses anymore. Dammit, I just don't know what to do about Jesse anymore. No offense or anything, but every time I see him I just want to punch him in the face. He doesn't even have to do anything to piss me off, ya know?" Rachel stared at him, suddenly forgetting all the anger she had possessed for him.

"Noah, I-...I don't know what to say..." Rachel started, but couldn't say anymore.

"Rachel, you're not gonna believe me and it's okay, but I-I think I love you more. I think I love you more than Jesse does. I know I ain't perfect and I'm the king of bad-asses and I get mixed up in some bad stuff, but I'm not gonna stop loving you, okay?" Noah had since gotten closer to her, and touched her shoulder. He stared into her eyes.

"Noah...I-I need some time to think everything over. I'm just a mess right now, okay? I-I'm sorry." Rachel rushed past Noah and headed outside, tears streaming down her face. She slumped against the side of the building in complete agony and frustration. She was just so confused at this point. She hoped that no one had followed her outside, although she knew that Mr. Schue would've have realized her absence due to the silence of the choir room. He'd find Puck and blame him, then Puck would have to explain where she was and he'd find her. Rachel took the time to try and getting a hold of herself. She was tired of crying in front of everyone and making them worry for her. It wasn't fair.

Rachel heard footsteps and held her breath. She knew she couldn't hide much longer because it would soon become a larger issue. Mr. Schue was one to worry. She let out a whimper, and all was silent. The rush of footsteps soon followed and her teacher had found her. He collapsed next to her, holding her in his arms. He was...crying.

"Rachel...are you okay? Did-did he hurt you?" she had never seen her teacher so concerned and-and _broken._

"It's okay, really. He-He didn't hurt me or anything, I just...I got overwhelmed. I'm really sorry, Mr. Schue." her tears had calmed and she was slowly wiping them away. She pulled back to look her teacher in the eyes.

"Please...don't worry for me, okay? I-I'm gonna be okay and, and you're just too busy to be chasing after me all the time. Please, Mr. Schue. Please..." he had stared at her, unable to speak. It seemed like an impossible and utterly ridiculous request coming from her. He couldn't respond, nor fully comprehend what all she wanted. He stood up slowly, then offered his hand to her. She cautiously took it and stood slowly.

"I'll take you home." he said and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, I can go back -" she tried to turn but he took her shoulders.

"Rachel I know you want to, but I think it's best if you let me take you home." Rachel wanted to fight, but she had done enough damage for the day. She simply nodded and he led her to his car.

The ride was quiet besides Rachel giving directions. Meanwhile, Will couldn't seem to get Rachel's words out of his head. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how to fix anything. He didn't know if he should be angry with Jesse or Noah. He was frustrated, but he wouldn't let Rachel know.

* * *

><p>He stopped the car and paused for a moment.<p>

"Rachel, are you sure you're okay? I mean, I could send someone here after school, or I- I mean I could stay here too if that's too long..." she smiled slightly to herself, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"I think I'm gonna be just fine, Mr. Schuester. Thank you." she clasped her arms around his neck and held on for a little longer.

"You're welcome. Anytime." she pulled back to smile at him and she gathered her things she had set at her feet. He touched her shoulder and she paused.

"I mean it, Rachel. If you need me, or anyone, don't hesitate to ask. We're here for you." they both smiled and she hugged him one last time before stepping out of his car and letting him leave her alone.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long for Noah to call Rachel.<p>

"Hello?" she asked sheepishly.

"Hey." he paused for a long moment. "Did Mr. Schue find you, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks for telling him where I was. I-I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone, but I'm really glad he was there." Rachel admitted. There was another pause before he spoke again.

"Are you okay, then?" he wondered seriously.

"I-I think so. I just need to take time to think about things and to really consider what's in front of me." Noah knew she was talking about him and Jesse and sighed, but agreed.

"Take as much time as you need. I just want you to be...well to be Rachel again." His voice was serious and honest.

"Me too...kind of. I just want to be happy. Before I was...well I was mean. I was mean to people and put them down, especially in the glee club. Yeah, sure, none of them seemed to have much of a problem and kind of brushed it off, but that doesn't make it okay. I'm gonna change, I-I promise." Noah took in a staggering breath. His chest tightened and he tried to force the tears back.

"Rachel I...I-I just gotta go now. I'm sorry." Before Rachel could say anything, he hung up. _So this is what he feels like when I do that_ Rachel thought to herself.

She sat on the edge of her bed and thought. She wanted to make her decision about who she wanted, but she was just too damn confused about everything.

* * *

><p>After about an hour of thought, Rachel closed her eyes, just wanting to sleep. Her thoughts of sleep were interupted by the rain outside, pouring down endlessly and the honking of a horn outside didn't help either. She looked out her window to see a car parked in her driveway and Noah being soaked to the brim. <em>There's no way...<em>she thought, rushing down to see him.

She bounded out the door, not bothering to put on a coat, and jumped in to his arms. He caught her effortlessly, although he never imagined she'd be happy to see him. Instead of thinking about it too much, he sent it to the back of his mind and smiled.

He set her down gently after a moment and looked at her, still holding her at her with both hands lightly on her waist. Both were sopping wet, as Rachel stared up at Noah. She wanted to so badly to take his lips in the rain, but held back, afraid she'd cause even more trouble and confusion. Instead, he read her mind and kissed her in the rain like she had wanted. She just smiled wonder-struck afterwards, then led him inside. After changing and giving him one of her dads's old sweatshirts, they sat in her room and sat together silently on her bed.

"I love you, Rachel." he whispered, brushing her hair behind her ear. Her mind flashed to her memories with Jesse, and then the fights and problems, then did the same with Noah. Suddenly, it had become clear to her.

"I love you, too, Noah. I mean it this time. I'm sure." he looked at her shocked, then took her into a tight hug on the bed.

"How are you going to tell him?" he asked quietly after an elongated moment of silence. "When?" he gulped.

"I-I don't know..." she admitted and played with their fingers.

Rachel was happy she finally decided what she wanted, but she absolutely dreaded have to tell Jesse. She was still a little too not over him. She curled up next to Noah and breathed deeply, hoping to find an answer. He kissed her head and she soon drifted off.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay so I realize this is long...sorryyou're welcome lol. Anyways, thanks for reading! PLEASE review with comments, concerns, and/or suggestions! Love to hear from y'all! Much love, Nicole xoxo**


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